New start

Last fall I hit the wall. My sick leave started in October, I think, and I started working in January again. A couple of weeks later I had a doctors appointment and I told her that I felt depression coming on, something I’ve had before. I started taking antidepressants and all hell broke loose.
It started with me feeling worse and worse and then I got suicidal thoughts. I didn´t go through with any attempts and the thought that kept me from doing anything was that my husband probably would be sad. When I instead started thinking that it would be better for everyone else if I died we went to the psych emergency and they had me admitted.
I was in the hospital for three weeks and the doctors raised my antidepressants to the max. Everything went worse and I got more and more suicide thoughts.
When I got out I got in contact with an amazing doctor that told me to stop taking those pills and she gave me another kind. I had been on those before but my weight went through the rough so I wasn’t too keen on taking those. I was on them for a while but they didn’t make me feel better. I put on 10 kilos in a couple of weeks though… not only because of the pills but from increased appetite, no energy to move and a lot of candy and such. after I stopped taking the pills I still kept eating and my weight kept rising.
I still have dark thoughts, but not as often. When they come they are more a wish that I was dead, not a thought that I want to kill myself.
I don’t have that much energy, but I don’t feel that I’m drained of energy all the time. Because of that, I will now start my weightloss journey. yey…
Here, I will vent my thoughts and write about my ups and downs.
My goals are to lose weight, get stronger and become happier.

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